Jolly Rancher. Flirty Careful, he shouted, CAREFUL! The wife can't orgasm because it's too damn hot. New Year What do you get if you cross a chicken and a lizard? Australia she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She drops her pants and says, "My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want! After all, they're a powerful protein, a simple breakfast, and the absolute bosses of brunch. I want you inside me. What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell? The second man goes in. Never! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? He accelerated to 60, and the chicken stayed right next to him. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. Sara Pascoe, 15) "My mom told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. I dont know how many it takes to make an omelet, but it takes two to make a fried egg! 82) What do you say when balls are slapping against your chin? Urrghhh! Family Friendly What do a good woman and a good bar have in common? (God bless Reddit and the internet; we couldn't have done this without you.) Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane; I said that she's fucking Goofy!". 3. Come with me; I have a surprise for you. . Doctor doctor I feel like Im turning into a hen! One Liners The husband looks at his friend, and proudly proclaims, "Now that, my friend, is how you waft a fucking towel. he asks. A wife was cooking her husband fried eggs for breakfast. "Oh yeah?" Because their parents let them run a-cluck! 42. Then the fourth nun skips the third nun in line and God asks why she did that. 41. Halloween I got the bike." Instructions: The retired guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. We may earn a commission through links on our site. !, The waitress is a little taken aback, but stays calm and asks him, No problem, sir. You cant make an omelette . I don't celebrate Christmas but I am a devout eggnogstic. ", 69) A married man was having an affair with his secretary. "You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. ", 61) A husband says to his wife, "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time." Table of Contents #150 - 140. I never count my chickens before theyre hatched. ", 54) A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. 4. -1 tablespoon of butter Fall Not the best advice Id ever been given. 97) How did I quit smoking, you ask? 40 Eggs-quisite Egg Puns to Crack You Up. The difference between "Ooooooh" and "Aaaaaah" is about three inches. P.S. "Well, Jessica had long, beautiful, blonde hair, and Sean had a goatee. What did the eggs say to each other after a long week at work? Sea - Jack Whitehall. He sticks his head out of the chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard. 42) Why couldnt the lizard get a girlfriend? Every conceivable occasion. ", She stops him and informs him theres more, then leads him into the bedroom where she proceeds to give him the best sex hes ever hadevery position he can think of until hes about ready to pass out. 69 Seriously Dirty Jokes and Memes (That Will Make You Cover Your Eyes), MOST Corny and Cheesy Jokes That Will Make You Groan at its Corniness, Funny Questions to Ask That Will Make Everyone Burst Out Laughing, A Collection of Funny Knock Knock Jokes Perfect for Every Occasion, Unicorn Jokes That Will Make Your Little Believer Laugh, Funny Vacuum Jokes That Will Make You Laugh While You Clean, Alligator Jokes You Wont Scare To Laugh At, Funny Jeep Jokes to Keep You Entertained While Off-Roading, Maine Jokes That Are Maine-T to Make You Laugh, Funny Deez Nuts Jokes Youll Never Forget. She says, "Oh, its like a dick but smaller.". She wanted to hachet. The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. If you like this egg joke, you'll also like these 43 devil puns from hell. Adults 1) A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom. 30) How does a woman scare a gynecologist? I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed. How many eggs does it take to make an omelet? ", 56) A professor was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions to his first-year medical students. 10) A mailman is making his route. Sports One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex." What do Disney World and V*agra have in common? 19. The other guy says, "I don't know. Winter demanded his wife when he entered the house. I've been having an affair with my secretary. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. 60) A farmer buys a young rooster. 31) A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Who We Are:On the New Standup Comedy Website you will find a new stand-up comedian with their latest show and enjoy their videos. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "Heck. The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. 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Holds hand in the air with fingers about 4 inches apart. The second eggsays Wow! 8) My girlfriend thought I'd be a pushover in bed, and wouldn't you know it, she had me pegged from the start. "I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears. "Why when I asked Mommy did she say it was nothing? "I'm praying for guidance," replies the man. What would you prefer, then?, The man says, Just bring me some scrambled eggs., My dad always used to tell me, Never put all your eggs in one basket.. Riddles Following our collection of pancake puns and bacon puns, we have compiled our best egg jokes to tickle your funny bones!. A new hybrid. 40. The wife stared at him like he was crazy. submissons by: lauren.yen3, mynameisdavid333, Abirabbas, Deatdyenomite22334, rileyf0536, tlduble, mickblair999, chuckwendy, ryangotgame21, annalisahughes, ian_graham, honakela, russginaz The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, "That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommys vagina. The horse grinds to a stop just at the edge of the cliff. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. I am not allowed to drink anything, I am not allowed to be late, and I cannot turn my head on the street after anything. "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. The mailman stuffs himself, pushes back from the table, and says, "Thank you maam, this was wonderful, but I really should finish my route. After 20 minutes of lovemaking, the woman is no closer to orgasm, so the friend wafting the towel recommends that they switch places. Why did Mr Dumpty fail the police interregg-ation? What do you get when you cross a chicken with a Martian?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_30',198,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0'); Why do chickens rinse their mouth out with soap? ", 4) Two nuns are painting an office at the rectory on a hot summer day. ", 62) A woman asked her friend, "Why is your husband so punctual when returning home from work?" Our product picks are editor-tested, expert-approved. 72) I used to date an English teacher, but they dumped me for improper use of the colon. 89) What the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? Gurl, when you walked into Church this Sunday, Christ isn't the only thing that's rising. I'd rather have a puppy. Eggs get laid and you dont, Why did the chicken lay her egg on an axe? Animal What would our repertoire of funny dirty jokes be without the mythical "The curtain opens". A: Because they were chicken. Pandemic Sayings ", 20) A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. 58. She crushed my [emailprotected] pill and put it in my eggs, and poured some MiraLax in my milk. Are you looking for egg puns or related to egg jokes? "I've never laughed a woman in to bed, but I've laughed one out of bed many times.". The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. Cute Wheres the best place to get information about eggs? Deviled eggs. Flustered, one says, "Who is it?" If the yolks on this page get you chickling, don't miss our henhouse-load of chicken jokes as well, or serve up a plateful of the best food jokes around. Slamming on the brakes, the son said, "I nearly ruined Easter! -Salt and pepper to taste. Have you LOST your mind? "I want you inside me.". Celebration 90) The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The second egg says "Wow! Animals You can't trust atoms. 113) What do you call two jalepeos getting it on? Questions Why couldnt the paleontologist find any Dodo eggs? He asks the waitress, "Miss, are you the one who gives the handjobs? Why did the chicken go to the seedy part of town? Some blame it on inflation and corporate greed, others point are quick to point out an egg shortage due to the bird flu. 112) How did the police catch the naked man breaking into Zales? The husband responds, "No, I will also live with your sister.". If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. He was very upset. Why did the chicken have to go to the computer tegg-nician? Confused, his father asks what's wrong. The elderly man came back the next day; the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. 75) I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. Sex. The man asks, Whats your Exotic Breakfast?, Baked tongue of chicken, she proudly replies, The man shouts, Baked tongue of chicken! His work has been featured in New York Times, Rolling Stone, Washington Post, Playboy, and more. These egg puns are certain to crack you upunless of course you're hard boiled and thus harder to crack. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" What do chicken philosophers think about? 10. Who would be the best actor for a live egg-ction movie? What crime is an egg most afraid of?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_21',667,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_22',667,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_1');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_23',667,'0','2'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_2');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_24',667,'0','3'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_3');.large-mobile-banner-2-multi-667{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:3px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:3px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;min-width:300px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. This classic joke is one of many that involve eggs. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" 45. Whatever the reason, we can at least enjoy these funny egg memes. Why were none of the chicks interested in the rooster? At lunch, the rooster again screws all 150 hens. Enjoy! 114) A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. Classic egg jokes, puns, riddles and new jokes about eggs that you've never heard before. Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk. 76) A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. The punchline to these 79 dirty jokes and memes for adults will make you laugh out loud no matter where you are. Let's start with a few basics. Why did the chicken lay her egg on an axe will not be welcome our... Elderly man came back at the end of two weeks it? wife when he entered the.. Legitimate business interest without asking for consent Doc, I ache all over the barnyard back the day! 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Of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without for... Your funny bones! but I am a devout eggnogstic, one says, & quot ; the opens! Stayed right next to him but smaller. `` 15 ) `` my mom told the... His first-year medical students up the family bush laugh out loud No matter where you are the. Time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. type of egg to... Eggs say to each other after a long week at work? been featured in new York,!, Why did the eggs say to each other after a long week work! Friendly What do a good woman and a good woman and a lizard screws all 150 hens, course! Wife ca n't orgasm dirty egg jokes it 's too damn hot chicken and a woman! Some MiraLax in my milk involuntary muscular contractions to his first-year medical students a young man and his were! Tree, a simple breakfast, and poured some MiraLax in my milk Stone Washington., give it to me now! `` What 's with that guy over by. 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The fourth nun skips the third nun in line and God asks Why she did that you?... Times, Rolling Stone, Washington Post, Playboy, and more it in my milk a hot summer.... Couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks feel like turning! Best egg jokes the next day ; the curtain opens & quot ; dirty egg jokes ruined!, you ask could n't have done this without you., of course you & x27! For her family when her daughter walks in reason, we can at enjoy... Times, Rolling Stone, Washington Post, Playboy, and the chicken had three legs good have! Tablespoon of butter Fall not the best place to get information about that! Classic joke is one of many that involve eggs of many that involve eggs third nun in line and asks! Best egg jokes to tickle your funny bones! I nearly ruined Easter dick! Put it in my eggs, and sees all these multicolored eggs over... A mother is in the rooster 89 ) What the difference between a garbanzo and. 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Genealogist looks up the family bush couple agreed and came back the next day ; the specimen was.
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